Oh Seattle, it’s one aching week away. The trip next week will overtake the jaunt to St. John as the easiest trip we would’ve have taken. There won’t be a language problem, prices are pretty decent, and transportation is pretty straightforward. I think they take New York dollars there too. The adventures, at least during the Seattle portion, will definitely involve looking for coffee, though from what I hear we’re guaranteed to have a decent cup no matter where we wind up. From perusing Gridskipper during precious work hours, I found two joints that are must visits: People’s Republic of Koffee where I can get caffeinated and inked up, and Cowgirl Espresso where my coffee is served stacked.

[photo by: donotgiveup.net]

I have reason to suspect that my super entered my apartment without my permission last month. Sure I did call for him to come repair the massive leak under the sink. However, without ever hearing back from him, the leak was sealed. I even discovered some new thingamajig under the sink that looks like it’s holding back the water. In any case, it might be my paranoia, but I’m going to order one of these security briefs to stash away my cash and um… my stash.

[Security Briefs via Wisebread]

“I was appalled,” said Donna Davis, 56, a medical assistant who lives next door. “If they want to live here, why can’t they start acting like Americans?”

“I can’t stand them,” said another neighbor, Kelli Lawson, 33, who says she is uncomfortable with many aspects of Buddhist life. “It’s strange to us, so we don’t like it.

These were a couple of quotes from today’s New York Times article about how some folks are reacting to Buddhists opening up shop in their Midwest neighborhood. I’m not going to beat the dead horse until it’s still dead in the afterlife and reincarnation. In fact, I want to help these Buddhists by outlining how they can assimilate and start acting like Americans.

1. Gain some weight. Your thin frame is lowering the obesity average. Start at the local all you can eat at one of your local strip malls. Better yet, order a larger something or other at the fastfood drive through.
2. Give up the vegetarian diet. You’re American now for chrissakes.
3. Speaking of Christ, pay him lip service when you feel like it, and start using his and his pop’s name in vain.
4. When you’re not meditating or praying, watch some college football. Go Hoosiers!
5. Give a stab at some other religion, preferably one with a violent past. Then go get up in everyone’s grill and tell them how they’re sinning.
6. You’re still too thin, gain more weight.
7. Enlightenment is getting trashed in Cancun.
8. Develop an irrational fear and hatred towards people who don’t look like you
9. Cut down on the number of strange, unpronounceable syllables in your name to it can read Smith, Brown, and Jones.
10. Forget your native tongue. You’re in America, so speak American!

These quick and easy steps will have you putting up yellow ribbon magnets on your Hummer H2 in no time!

World Hum has an article that brought back some memories of when I used to be a total bitch to Trader Joe’s. Ironically, I ceased being a TJ shopper when they did exactly what I was hoping they would do: open a store in NYC. Let’s turn the clock back to pre-NYC TJ, when we would make the drive to either Westfield, NJ or Hewlett, NY just to load up on some low price groceries and random snacks. “Oh look! These cookies do not contain hydrogenated oils!” An entire day would be gone when we returned home and all tired to cook up what we just bought. Even when we daytripped to various points around the area, I would check the Trader Joe’s site to see if there was some location close to wherever we were going. The next thing you know, we would return from a day at a beach in Long Island with several full TJ bags. When we found out there was a Paramus location, we just kept coming up with excuses to hit Campmor, and oh by the way, get some groceries at Trader Joe’s as well.

It looks like the siesta is no longer such a foreign concept in our puritan society. A company called Yelo just launched a power nap station over in Midtown which offers a more inviting, not to mention, a cleaner alternative to that communal office couch or the germ pit known as the subway. Prices start at an astounding $12 for a 20 minute snooze. It could be well worth it if you’re like me who crash out around 3pm everyday. Keep in mind that this is still New York City where people rush to get their Zen on at yoga. Imagine a bunch of folks in haste to take a nap?!

The most emailed article on nytimes.com the past couple of days was the article on Beijing’ seemingly Sisyphean effort on chinglish, queuing, and spitting in time for the 2008 Olympics. The city is on a rampage to educate folks about changing these bad habits, even going as far as designating an official “Queuing Day.” The efforts are indeed earnest, but these are the sort of habits that have been practiced for generations and are hard to break in just one year.